Online Dating
by Drakky28293
Summary: Rangiku sets Yoruichi up with a blind date. How will it go? AU! Complete. One shot.


**Hey-o everybody! Did you think Draks was dead? Sowie, I just wasn't in the mood to write for the past few months.**

**When will my other fics be updated? Eh heh heh heh, I dont know? *sweats bullets* Someone save me from this quagmire of procrastination!**

**Anyway, this here is a new story, based off of true events. Yours truly went on a blind date and most of this happened. It was a pretty great date actually. So great that I was inspired to write a fic about it. When I asked my friend which ship should have the honor of the starring role, she suggested Yoruhara. Thus, ONLINE DATING was born!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

"I have an absolutely brilliant idea," announced Rangiku Matsumoto, her bright blue eyes twinkling.

"Why do I get a feeling that I'm not going to like this idea?" Yoruichi Shihōin questioned her long time friend, only feeling half apprehensive. She was used to Rangiku's wild plans; and she was often an enthusiastic partaker in all of them and they had shared a lot of laughs over shared pranks and adventures.

"I think we should create online dating profiles!" Rangiku gushed.

The half-smirk melted off the young Shihōin's Hotels heiress' face. "Ran… NO!" she said in a warning tone.

"Come on Yoruichi!" the red head pouted and pleaded.

"Rangiku… I've done a lot of silly adventures with you…," she began

"And had a whale of a time," Rangiku provided

"And had a whale of a time," Yoruichi admitted. "But online dating is risky. Not to mention, the absolute last option when you just aren't getting any!" she raised an eyebrow at her friend.

"I would remind you that ever since you started paying more attention to your parents' business, you've become less fun to be around and I know for a fact that you aren't getting any," Rangiku said with a wink

"I'm twenty three now. It's about time I learnt the ropes of the family business," the young heiress explained, whose parents owned a worldwide chain of luxury hotels. "And speaking of getting some, what would Gin say?" she asked, referring to Rangiku's long time boyfriend.

Rangiku averted her eyes. "We're not talking again," she admitted.

Yoruichi tsked. Gin Ichimaru and Rangiku Matsumoto had known each other since they were children. And had been dating since they were teenagers. They had a very volatile on-again off-again relationship, mostly owing to the fact that Gin was a secretive man and often left Rangiku without any news for days together. Yoruichi even suspected he was a member of the Yakuza or something. But the two of them had a special bond and she knew better than to interfere. Some day they would find their happily ever after; but till then all these unnecessary drama irked Yoruichi.

"Rangiku. You know you're going to leap into Gin's arms the minute he shows up in your life again," Yoruichi narrowed her golden eyes at her friend.

"Yeah I know, but till then I deserve to have some fun don't I?" Rangiku rued, for whom morals had never been a great thing. "Come on Yoruichi! You don't have to worry that some gold digger is going to come after your inheritance. You can use a fake name and a fake picture and make some interesting memories along the way!"

"Ugh fine, I'm doing this to get you off my back about this Rangiku," Yoruichi admitted, moving to switch on her bedroom computer terminal.

"YES! I love you so much Shihōin!" Rangiku gave her an enthusiastic hug

"Same goes, Matsumoto," Yoruichi replied with a feline grin. Maybe this could be fun after all

-x-

"Matsumoto. Online dating is not even in the least bit fun," Yoruichi complained. It had been two months and she was utterly sick and tired of all the messages she had to (virtually) wade through every day. She had seen it all. From the crass "coupling requests" as she called them to the pathetic attempts to impress with severely limited grammar skills. While it was true that she had made a few acquaintances, if the proportion were to be considered, it was like 1 remotely interesting profile for every 500 inane ones. And Yoruichi was all ready to call it quits.

"Nooooooooooooo Yoruichi! Don't you dare abandon me," Rangiku announced dramatically. The red head was a bit more tolerant of internet riff-raff and had already met a lot of people she had befriended online. "That reminds me, I think I've finally found the one for you," she told her friend.

Yoruichi, who was tying her long, lustrous purple locks into a high ponytail, paused in her task, looked at her friend's reflection in the mirror and said "No Rangiku, this is the one time our plans haven't been fun. And I don't really want a guy in my life right now. I am perfectly happy!"

"Stuff and nonsense. I'm not asking you to choose the wedding silverware right now, you nincompoop. I'm talking of a friendship," Rangiku huffed and clarified.

"You have wedding-silverware intentions in your eyes Matsumoto," Yoruichi flashed her friend a knowing grin.

"I most certainly do not! Anyway, instead of pursuing this childish argument, just talk to him, will you?" she typed in a few keys on her phone and moments later Yoruichi's phone buzzed. Rangiku had messaged her a business card.

"Kisuke Urahara?" she asked, her eyebrows drawn together in a frown. "Did he attend Kirigahara as a kid?"

"Do you know him already?" Rangiku asked curiously.

"His name sounds familiar," Yoruichi said softly. As a child, she had been enrolled in 'Senoujou Girls Academy', a prestigious school for girls only, and had been built next to a boys-only school called 'Kirigahara All Boys School'. Over the years, names of famous (and infamous) students from the boys' school had reached the ears of the girls and now Yoruichi tried to think back as to why she should recognize that name. Suddenly a slow grin spread across her face.

"You know what? I think he's the chap that made the chemistry lab explode when we were in 9th grade," she chortled. Rangiku looked her wide-eyed. "Oh this is fantastic, now I really do want to talk to him," still chortling, the svelte woman left the room. Rangiku clapped her hands in happiness "Oh this is the beginning of something! I feel it!"

-x-

Very soon Yoruichi learnt some things about her new friend Kisuke Urahara. Firstly he seemed to have an ironic sense of humor. Despite having earned notoriety for blowing up a chemistry lab in school, he had chosen to be a scientist after his graduation. He was working on something top secret which he couldn't afford to divulge.

Secondly, much like his profession, the man himself was also an enigma to Yoruichi. Even his display picture was just the side profile of his face; with the eyes shaded by a green and white checked fisherman's hat. He countered questions about his personal life with some other question and playfully evaded every tactic Yoruichi tried to get intel about him. This frustrated as well as intrigued her. As a woman who never turned down a challenge, the man was fast growing to be the biggest challenge she had ever faced in her personal life. Growing up as the entitled daughter of rich parents, she was used to men eating out of her hands. She was also well trained to spot the ones that only showered her with affection because their ulterior motive was to acquire some of the Shihōin family wealth. However, aside from the very few purely platonic male friends that she had, Yoruichi had never met a man who didn't seem to give a damn about who she was. It was as refreshing as it was confusing.

Kisuke was often condescending as well. He spoke to her like he was better than her. He often pulled silly pranks, like calling her from different numbers and using different voices to confuse her. Most of the time he used a lot of inappropriate language and used innuendoes. That didn't bother her so much, since she had an inappropriate sense of humor herself. While his antics drove her crazy, she was also having a lot of fun. So when Kisuke asked her out on a date, she didn't have to consider much before accepting, It would be fun; she reasoned. And since there seemed to be zero chemistry between them whatsoever, she didn't expect any sort of outcome from the meeting. It would be like meeting up with a friend, wouldn't it?

-x-

"Really. It isn't so complicated. If one has planned to go on a date with someone; the least they can do is at least re-confirm that the date is going to happen." Yoruichi muttered at her phone screen which was displaying no new messages. That was another of Kisuke's peeves; he took forever to reply to texts. And when he did, it would be at odd times. She huffed in annoyance and decided to text Urahara herself.

**Hey :) We on for this evening?**

She deliberated on her wardrobe while she waited for his reply. Her phone buzzed. She picked up her phone and read the reply

**Definitely. I hope you like coffee**

Well at least the man had deigned to reply, she thought grudgingly. Keeping her phone aside, she turned back to her closet to finalize her wardrobe. She decided to wear a figure hugging long black top with black leggings and wore a blood red waistcoat over it. She zipped on leather boots with the spike heels because she knew what they could do for her. As she applied her makeup (giving herself the cat-eyed look that she absolutely killed at which also complemented her wide golden eyes), she texted her date to let him know she would be leaving shortly.

The phone trilled not long after. Looking for her car keys, Yoruichi distractedly answered "Yes. Go for Shihōin"

"Yoruichi" the voice was slow and deep. Yoruichi had noticed that Kisuke Urahara was gifted with a voice that could make women swoon, the few times she had spoken to him on the phone. Smiling she responded, "I'm on my way out Kisuke," as she finally located the keys to her Porsche convertible.

"I'm a bit caught up in paperwork Yoruichi," Urahara told her, regret tingeing his voice. "I am going to make it; I will be a bit delayed" he informed her.

"No problem Kisuke, take your time," Yoruichi rolled her eyes, adding 'tardy' to the long list of cons about her date. She disconnected the call and started the car. The purr of the engine had her smiling. Soon she was cruising towards the intersection that had been chosen as the rendezvous point. She parked her car, got out and stretched leisurely. She decided to take a stroll till Urahara made it.

-x-

Twenty minutes later, it was taking all her self control not to rip out her own hair and yell in frustration. Her phone rang, saving her the effort to punch something.

"Urahara. Just how much longer are you going to take?" she growled.

"There's some terrible news, I just got a call and its very urgent. I'm going to take another hour and a half at least" he regrettably informed her.

It was a vast effort for Yoruichi not to snarl. _Rangiku is going to pay for this_ she thought grimly. Impatiently tapping one stilettoed foot, she said "well then what do you propose we do Kisuke? Should we reschedule?"

"Rescheduling sounds good to me. Also, you sure seem impatient. You're going to perforate the sidewalk with those stilts," said Urahara and Yoruichi could almost feel the slow grin in his voice. She spun around and saw a lanky man approaching her. "You tricked me!" she accused him

"Guilty" he half raised his hands and gave her a crooked smile. He was a great deal taller than her, even though she was wearing heels. The same hat with green and white stripes hid his eyes. His skin was pale and his hair was light blond and scraggly, almost reaching his shoulders. He was wearing a deep green shirt with rolled up sleeves and untucked into jeans that were almost white at the pressure points. Obviously this man took 'casual dressing' to a whole new level.

They shook hands and Yoruichi gave him her usual feline smile. "Kisuke Urahara. We finally meet!" she told him

His heart skipped a beat, as it always seemed to do when he heard that low, smoky, sultry voice. He grasped her hand and replied "It is a pleasure to meet you Yoruichi Shihōin"

"So where are we headed?" she gestured for him to follow as she unlocked the car remotely. He marveled at the lines of the Porsche as he answered "Well you're probably over Starbucks and their fantastic coffee; I was hoping you would come to a place I often go to. There's nothing in terms of ambiance and taste, but the view makes up for it"

Yoruichi looked at him, annoyed that he would turn her into a stereotype like that. Truth be told, she wasn't all that fond of Starbucks nd other crowded places and often sought out-of-the-way places where there were no people and she wouldn't be recognized as the Shihōin heiress. Still, saying nothing, she opened her car door and sat inside.

"You have one sweet ride," Kisuke remarked as she gunned the accelerator.

"Thank you," Yoruichi replied in a dignified voice. "My father gave me this car on my 18th birthday; I've kept it in top working condition since then.

"The lady knows how to go down," he smirked. And gave a slow laugh when she gave him a fulminating glare. "I meant go down on cars. Easy there princess" he aimed a crooked smile at her. Ignoring the tensed atmosphere in the car, he tipped his hat down lower over his eyes as if settling down for a nap.

"Could you take off the hat?" Yoruichi asked a bit sharply.

"Are you offended by it in anyway?" Kisuke asked her.

"No. I can't see what you're thinking when your eyes are shielded from me like that" she told him

His mouth seemed to form a quizzical expression. He slowly took off the hat. Yoruichi took her eyes off the road for a moment to look back at the man. And noticed that he had piercing gray eyes, calm and calculating. He wore his hat again and she thought she heard him mutter "Can't believe I actually listened to her". This annoyed Yoruichi no end; she decided to not initiate the conversation if he didn't want to talk to her anyway

-x-

The drive was visually spectacular and her sour mood didn't last long. Her neat little car zipped along the road, eating up the miles. After a while, it was easy chatting with Kisuke. They reminisced about their school days and discussed some friends they had in common. Then they moved to the pets they owned. They were both pleasantly surprised to discover that each of them owned a black cat. That led to some Friday the 13th jokes. The banter continued and the mood was light. Yoruichi found that he was really good at getting her to laugh.

Eventually Kisuke steered her off the main road and they travelled up a dense, tree lined mountain side with very few houses. As she parked her car, he told her in a low voice, "see, the problem with this place is, sometimes it's not open,"

"Did you seriously make me drive all the way to a place that may very well be shut?" Yoruichi asked incredously. Kisuke laughed and clapped her on the shoulder lightly. He gestured ahead and she followed his gaze to see a homely café which seemed abandoned except for a couple of teenaged kids sneaking in a smoke. She got out of the car, annoyed with herself for letting him rile her so easily. She leaned against her car door and took a few deep breaths before joining him.

-x-

True to his word, there wasn't much to go on in terms of food and drink in the café. They picked out some packets of chips and Yoruichi snagged a soda. Urahara made a remark about how surprised he was at the fact that Yoruichi knew how to carry out her own food, without the assistance of a few dozen servants. She kicked him on his shin in retaliation. He swore to take revenge as they turned to go out. Kisuke, for some reason opted to take the ketchup sachets from among the little bowl of condiments. As they headed to the seats outside, he finally took off his hat and put it to one side

"You're incredibly attached to that hat," Yoruichi remarked.

"Its always been an asset; I don't have to punish my eyeballs by forcing them to look at something or someone who doesn't deserve a second glance," he said nonchalantly, opening the packet of chips. To Yoruichi's disgust, he emptied the ketchup sachet into the chips.

"Why did you have to do that?" she exclaimed

"Right now, I could really do with some nachos and salsa dip. This is the closest I'll get to it, so this is what needs to be done," he said, offering her one.

"No thanks, I shall pass," she replied.

"Suit yourself," he shrugged around a mouthful of chips.

Midway through their meal, his phone trilled. He looked at the caller ID and uttered a mild curse. "I'm sorry Shihōin, I have to take this," he informed her. She waved a hand dismissively. To her surprise, he opted to have the full conversation sitting right opposite her. He gestured once or twice that he would be done soon; but soon pinched the bridge of his nose like what the caller said annoyed him. Throughout the entire exchange, his gray eyes never once left hers; thinking back, she wondered had he blinked once during the entire conversation. He seemed to be watching her intently. Her heart set up an erratic beat and she tried to focus on his words instead

"Yes Nemu, I will personally make sure that he is reprimanded for his actions. No, Mayuri will not be allowed to do the experiment henceforth. Yes, you may make a recording of me saying this and play this back to him of he refuses to believe you. Ok, I shall say it one more time. Mayuri, you aren't allowed to do this experiment henceforth. Did you get all that Nemu? Fine. I am with someone now; I'll have to call you back. Yes, a couple of hours is more than sufficient. Goodbye Nemu" he spoke in that same deep slow voice, which was barely tinged with irritation. Yoruichi felt like she could hear him forever. Noticing that had hung up, she asked "Problem?"

"Not really, more like a daily occurrence. My colleague and fellow lead scientist, Mayuri Kurotsuchi gets a bit trigger happy at times. That was his assistant Nemu," he gave her the same crooked smile and got up. "Look after my hat," he told her. Before she could grasp what was happening, he settled the bill and came out

"Why did you do that?" she demanded. "I would have gone Dutch with you!" she asserted.

He looked at her mildly curiously. "While I am aware that you and your family could buy and sell me many times over, a lovely lady is entitled to have her meal paid for by a gentleman" He soundlessly wore his hat and went back to where her car was parked. Yoruichi could only stare after him.

-x-

On the way back, they stopped at a rocky outcropping to watch the stars. There were so many of them, tiny twinkling jewels across the jet black expanse of the sky, Yoruichi's breath caught. The two of them leaned against the hood of her car as Kisuke pointed out the constellations to her.

"You're very smart," she told him, as he wrapped up the myth of Cassiopeia and Andromeda.

"Thank you Yoruichi," he told her. And then she yelped in surprise when he reached over and pinched her arm.

"Ow! What was that for?" she demanded angrily.

"For kicking me," he said simply, reaching out as if to pinch her again. He stopped and considered her for a moment. "Are you ticklish Shihōin?" he asked.

"I am not!" she said defiantly. He gave her a knowing smile and poked a finger into her side. She yelped with laughter and screamed "Kisuke no!"

"Liar liar!" he taunted her as he tickled her mercilessly. They rolled around on the grass, Yoruichi trying to best Kisuke but he was good at getting out of her way.

A while later, Kisuke announced "well this is boring! I am obviously far stronger than you, so I am the winner here. And since you bore me, knave, I shall take a nap!" and to her shock, he just lay down with his hat over his head

Yoruichi marveled at the peculiar man. Even though he constantly seemed to trip her up emotionally, she was still having more fun than she had ever had with Rangiku or anyone else. She watched him now, his chest rising and falling evenly. His shirt had ridden up ever so slightly; the skin of his stomach was as pale as the rest of him but it looked taut and toned. She reached out and poked him and he woke up in an instant, stifling a quick gasp of laughter.

"Well well well" she said triumphantly. "See who's ticklish now! You are so dead!" Once more they were tussling. They came to a halt with Kisuke pinning down Yoruichi with his body, their heads dangerously close. His scent was fogging her mind; his lips only inches from hers.

"Urahara," she told him softly.

Kisuke realized he was holding on to Yoruichi's wrists, perhaps a tad too tight. He quickly released her and asked, "What is it?"

"You have gunk stuck in your teeth," she informed him and rolled out from under him while he muttered something like "Disgusting Kisuke!" and got to his feet. As he checked his teeth in her car's rear view mirror, she took a few deep breaths and wondered what would have happened if she hadn't mentioned the teeth thing then.

Discreetly she checked her breath and took out her compact to check her own teeth. And realized that Urahara had seen her do it anyway.

"Did we both just check our teeth in front of each other?" he said a bit sheepishly

"Unless that was a secret code for something else, that is what happened," Yoruichi replied easily

"Wow. Crazy level of closeness has just been breached," he winked at her.

She cast her mind around for something to say and said "Today was really fun," though it sounded really lame to her now that she had said it out loud.

"I was about to say the exact same thing!" he exclaimed, giving her a radiant smile. The smile shook something inside her. _Now or never _she decided.

"You know Kisuke," she said, walking towards him slowly. "That's a nice scent you're wearing. It's very… Strong"

He gave her his crooked smile again and said with a hint of wolfishness in his eyes "Would you dare to come closer and take a whiff? Since you like it so much?"

She walked up to him until he caught her around the waist with his arm. She leaned forward , not breaking eye contact, till she bowed her head till just below his ear. She inhaled the scent right at his pulse point and stated "I really do like this smell,"

Urahara held her closer and laid his head on her shoulder. His scraggly hair felt ticklish on her neck so she squirmed a bit. He only held on more tight and raised his head to meet her eyes. Watching his eyes darken over, Yoruichi knew she had won

"Do you ever intend to kiss me Kisuke?" she goaded him slightly and a thrill went through her as he captured her lips with his. They stayed entwined in their embrace as time seemed to slow down around them. Yoruichi broke the contact and rested her forehead against his.

"You know, I think I owe Rangiku one," she almost purred.

**R&amp;R Please!**

**Till next time!**

**~Drakky28293**


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